I'm not the most eloquent writer, but having a record of what I was thinking and feeling during these next few months is pretty important to me. I didn't keep any kind of journal when I was pregnant with Madelyn, and now the whole time seems so fuzzy and far away. I'm famous for saying that i'll do it later, but now I really am.
The thing that has precipitated this journal is a decision about the upcoming birth of our baby that we are having a hard time making, and any input from anyone who happens to read this is greatly appreciated. I am now.. 19 weeks pregnant, and the decision for where to birth this baby is becoming a big one. Maddy was born in a hospital, with the whole intervention kit and kaboodle, starting with fetal monitoring, epidural, augmentation with pitocin, etc, etc. Luckily enough, it did not end in a ceasarian section, as so many births do. I came out of it feeling ignored, and bad that I couldn't handle the birth of my baby without all of this help from the docters and nurses. Looking back on the experience, I dread the idea of birthing in a hospital again. The other option is a homebirth, with a registered midwife, which brings up all sorts of new fears.
It's late, and I like short blogs, so I will continue this tomorrow. Goodnight :)
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